It’s the last day of March 2017 –  a month that brought us the first day of spring and our Remarkable Women of Honor series, as a way of celebrating Women’s History month! I find it only fitting to conclude these 31 days with words that will challenge you to own YOUR LIFE and embrace the truth that “no” is a complete sentence. Sometimes we need to say no. We need the space and the grace that our “no” can give us to make better decisions, live more on purpose, and thrive as the Remarkable Woman God designed each of us to become. Grab your tea and get ready to learn six ways you can say NO and still feel remarkable!

Consider this: Why do you say “Yes” when you should say “No?”

• Are you a people pleaser?
• Do you try to help everyone at the expense of your own needs?
• Do you try to make others happy as a means of avoiding confrontation?
• Do you feel guilt when you put yourself first?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, it’s likely that you’re a people pleaser. Trust me, I know from first-hand experience that people pleasers are not bad people. They just aren’t good at caring for themselves. Unfortunately, you are willing to put other people first at a time when you should be taking care of you. You make everything about everyone else, and while to a degree that can be honorable, according to scripture and at different moments, living from that place as a regular rhythm of life drains you physically, spiritually, and mentally and also distracts you from living remarkably.

We are called to design lives that are pleasing to God. He invites us in Philippians 2:16 to hold fast to His Word so that we can be proud of the lives we’ve stewarded for His glory. The apostle Paul understood the importance of why he lived and needed to shine his light in the world. But why is this a struggle for so many of us who are people pleasers? Because we feel a need to make others happy, yet our motives aren’t entirely altruistic:

• We’re attempting to avoid confrontation.
• We feel important by helping others.
• Too often, we do something nice, or help others; meanwhile, our own lives are unraveling and falling apart.

Telling others that you can’t honor their request doesn’t have to be difficult. Let what you say be simply “yes” or “no” so you can honor your word and not speak from a place of evil. Sometimes “no” isn’t a no forever; it’s just a no for right now. If you struggle with how to move from people pleasing and embrace saying “no,” here are some ideas to help that you can put to use immediately:

1. Explain that other commitments are taking up all your time right now.

• Everyone is too busy at times; the other person should understand that you have a heavy load. If they don’t, you still need to move forward and care for yourself by not adding new things to your plate.
• It might help to go into a little detail about the other things you have going on to increase their level of understanding.

2. Communicate you’re in the middle of something and that you’ll get back to them.

• It’s not uncommon to get hit with requests for immediate help. But one person’s urgent is not your urgent. Balance the requests that come to you with wisdom.
• You can let them know that you can’t help right now but that you might be able to help soon.
• If it really is important, they’ll find someone else to help and shouldn’t feel resentful towards you.

3. Tell them that you’ll think about it.

• This is more of a “maybe” than an absolute “no.”
• Avoid using this option if you really do want to say “no.”
• Take the time you need to consider it and remember to get back to them.
• You can suggest your own deadline or an alternative that works for better for you if you can’t comply fully with their first request.

4. If someone is trying to sell something to you, but their offering doesn’t meet your needs. Simply, tell them that you’ll get back to them if your needs change.

• This puts an end to the matter quickly without the other person feeling insulted.
• After all, you’re rejecting their product or service; you’re not rejecting them personally.

5. Give them a specific person (upon their approval) who would be better suited to help them.

• In this situation, you’re not refusing to help them. In fact, you’re helping them by suggesting someone more capable of satisfying their needs.

6.  Tell them that you’d like to help, but (while making sure that you have a real interest in what they’re asking your help with)….

• This lets the other person know that you would like their offer or would like to provide assistance to them, but you that you are either too busy or their offer doesn’t meet your needs.
• It’s similar to #1 and #4 but is more supportive and encouraging.

In order to come back or makeover your life you will have to learn to say “no.” If you’ll learn to say “no” to the things that you really don’t want to do, don’t have the time to do, or don’t fit your needs, your life will be much richer for it. And, so will others. Saying “no” gets easier with practice. After you get used to it, you’ll be surprised how easy it is and how receptive others can be.  Remember to always tell the truth in your “no.” One of the six options above is bound to be true. There’s no reason to feel like you’re being dishonest. Now go tell some people “no” and see how much better you feel!